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NCLE ZENOS, 



EbORE AND After the War 



A serio-comedy 



IN SIX ACTS. 



BY ALBERT LEWIS. 



COPYRIGHT 1B96. 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED > 



'^^Avri -.,. __.NbV ILL..-, 



UNCLE ZENOS 



-OR- 



Before and After the War 



A serio-comedy- 



IN SIX ACTS. 






BY ALBERT LEWIS. V^pwa^v^- ^ , vv 






DRAMATIS PERSONS. 

Uncle Zenos White,. ------ a farmer. 

Mrs. Zenos Wiiitk, - - - - - Uncle Zenos' wife. 

Sis. ------ daughter )^ Uncle Zenos. 

Bub, .-.--- son j 

Hiram Wkiohback, . - - .. Uncle Zenos' brother-in-law. 

Jake, -----"(. Uncle Zenos hired men. 

Mike, ------ ) 

Dick Waite, alias Slick Sam, alias } - - Bunco steerer and general 

Ferdinand Courtney, [ - - confidence man. 

Pete, Jim, Mose, and Tom, confidence men and companions of Slick Sam. 

Tom Wharton, - - - - chief of police and detective. 

Rebecca Smith, - - - - - the village music teacher. 

Jess Holcomb, Bill Spring, KniTii Uoolittle and others, singers. 

Zeb Wilson, ------- the stage driver. 

Two policemen, jailer, recruiting officer, sheriff, waiters, restaurant 
natrons and little girl. 






Copyrighted, 1896, by ALBERT L. THAYER. ij 



Note. — If played on stages where there is no sliding scenery, the curtain may be 
dropped between the scenes with good effect. 



THE DOWD PRINTING CO., WINSTED, CONN. 



MCT I. 

■SCEtiE.—Interioi' of farmhouse, Hittivg room. Mis. Zenos While seatecl viih pan 
of apples in her lap, paring same. Uncle Zenos and his hrother-in-laiv, Hiram [who 
is on a brief visit] seated before the fireplace, talking over the old days and smoking. 

HIRAM.— -'Well Zenos, you seem to be pretty well fixed now, your children are 
having- advantages you and I never had and I'm glad of it." 

ZENOS.— (With a sigh.) "Yes Hiram, I'm doin' all I can for the children but I'm 
worried over the boy ; he's jest that age when he's gettin' restless and don't 
like to stay home nights, he's down to the corner grocery evenins a listening to 
the talk down there an I'm afeard taint a doin' ov him any good; he says there 
aint no fun home with me and Ma and I suppose that's so; he says home aint 
half as interestin' as 'tis down to Beale's store and Ma and me don't know what 
to do to attract him. What u'd you do if he was your boy ? " 

HIRAM.— (Poking his finger into his pipe slowly and thinking seriously.) "Wall 
Zenos I'll tell you what I done about six months ago with my boy. He's six- 
teen now and had begun to pull at the bitt pooty strong, an' I went to town 
and bought him a melodeon— one of them music things with treadles that you 
pump with your feet and draw the music from the ivry keys with both hands. 
Wall the boy took to it, I hired a teacher for him an' he's learnin' real fast, an 
Sabbaday nights your sister Polly an' I sets down an' sing while he plays the 
melodeon. It's real sweet an' he plays China and Ole Hundred real peart 
'twould do your soul good to hear it." 

ZENOS.— "Wall if I thought that 'ud work with Bub I'd get him a— what'd ye 
call it ? " 

HIRAM.— "Melodeon." " ♦ 

ZENOS — 'Yes. yes I'd get him a melojum in a minute." 

MRS. WHITE.— "Now reely Hiram d'ye think a melojum would help matters 
much ? I know they're reel nice, and Becky Clark has got one with a Gam- 
boge case, an' she sings an' plays beautiful on her's, but praps Bub an' Sis 
wont take to it at all." 

HIRAM. — "Aint they got ears for music? " 

MRS. WHITE.— "I d'no Hiram; sometimes I think they has an' then agin I think 
they haint, but them melojums cost a mint of money don't they ? " 

ZENOS.— "Oh don't you fret about the money mother. You're too plaguey savin', 
(to Hiram.) She takes that from the Nicholses; her pa Nichols was so close 
that he want goin to let me hev Mirandy unless I paid him fer her." 

MRS. WHITE.— "Now Zenos, you make that up out of hull cloth you know you 
do; Pa an' Ma hed to be close with all the mouths they lied to feed an' provde 
with raiment, but they want mean; don't you believe a word he says Hiram." 

HIRAM. — "Haw; haw ! I know him of old Mirandy— he wouldn't say nuthin if he 
didn't talk." 

MRS. WHITE.— "No I know it, but it hurts my feelings to hear him run on about 
Pa an' Ma an' they both dead an' gone an' layin' in their las' restin' places." 
(Puts her apron to her eyes.; 

ZENOS. — "Sho now Mother, you orter know I didn't mean nothin' hut a joke; you 
should orter know how to understan me by this time Mirandy." 

MRS. WHITE. — "Wall I don't Zenos, an' I wish you wouldn't joke no more with 
me. I notice you don't like to have Mike fire his jokes at you." 

I ZENOS. — "Wall Mike's jokes do rile me, but it's becos they don't hev no pint to 
'em; but let bygones be bygones Mirandy an I'll fergit my jokes hev been said 
if you will, so cheer up.'" (Mrs. White wipes her eyes several times, says noth- 
ing and resumes her apple paring.) 

HIRAM.— "Can Bub sing any ? " 



ZElSrOS.—*'Wall he could afore his voice begun to change, but now you can't de- 
pend on it; sometimes his voice is way up" (raises his hand above his head) 
"an' then it drops way down" (drops his arm and points to the floor) "in the 
most onexpected manner an' you see it sorter bothers him. Sometimes he 
feels sure he can go way above the staff an' he lands way below it, but he can 
whistle till the cows come home," 

HIRAM.— "Wall look after him Zenos, look after him; these boys get switched off 
in various ways we least expect. It wants a firm heart an' strong hands to 
keep um along till they're twenty; git um there all right and I'll resk um after 
that." 

ZENOS.— "Jes so: jes so Hiram; an' I'll take your advice, soon's the wood's all cut 
an' the ice got in I'll start for New York an' buy as good a melojum as can be 
had, an' set Bub and Sis to work at it." 

HIRAM. — "Doit Zenos an you won't regret it. Music you'll find to be a well- 
spring of joy in your family— it will kinder knit you closer together, an' when 
you an' Mirandy an' the children get together Sabbaday nights an' sing an' play 
the old tunes your Pa and Ma sang years ago when you was a little boy, your 
hearts will kinder soffen up an' you'll be the better for it, all of you." 

ZENOS. — "Yes I guess that's so. Pears to me now I can't wait till the wood an' 
ice's all cut an in I'm so ompatient to git the melojum, but I'll try and stand it 
till then for I can't get away with all this extry wurk a crowdin'." 

MRS. WHITE. — "I can't bear to think of your goin' to New York, Zenos. I read 
sech dretful things goin' on there; it's an immoral Saharra an' they have those 
dretful bunko steers there too." 

ZENOS. — "Yes I know Mirandy, but they can't be worse'n our old brindle steers, 
they're balky an' kick like Sam Hill, I'm used to them an' I guess I can stan' a 
bunco steer." 

HIRAM. — ""V^all I think I'll go to bed now; I'm tired an' mvist be starting early 
to-morrow for hum. The stage comes along 'bout seven you said, an' it's get- 
tin' pretty late for me." (Hiram rises, the clock strikes nine, and Mi-s. White 
putting her apples in a chair rises too, and taking a candle off the shelf, lights 
it and presents it to Hiram.) 

MRS. WHITE. — "I'm sorry you've got to go so soon, but I spose you won't be urged 
to stay no longer." 

HIRAM. — "No, I must be home tomorrer night sure." 

MRS. WHITE. — "Wall good night. Did you sleep warm las' night? I'm afeard 
you didn't, an' I don't spose you'd a said a word if you'd froze to death; I've 
put a extra comfortable on a chair at the foot of the bed, an' you can use it if 
you're cold in the night." 

HIRAM. — "O I'll be all right, don't ye worry; good night Mirandy; good night 
Zenos." 

Zenos and Mirandy together *'Good night." 

(Exit Hiram with candle on R.) 

ZENOS. — "He's a rattlin' good feller if there ever iras one." 

MRS. WHITE. — "He's a christian man an' kind to his wife, an' don't get off no 
jokes." 

ZENOS. — "Wall come to think of it I don't remember as he ever did, but you 
shouldn't keep a twittin' me Mirandy." 

MRS. WHITE. — "I was only jokin' Zenos; can't you take a joke?" 

(Zenos goes out R and Mrs. White takes candle and goes out also.) 

Sitting room scene slides away disclosing kitchen scene. Time, morning. 



Scene. — Kitchen in farmhouse, table set and seated around it are Zenos. Sis, Bub, 
Jake and Mike. Mrs. White running back and forth bringing plates and food. 



BUB. — (In a voice that slides up and down in a most peculiar manner.) "Say Fa 
be you a goin' down to New York? Jake said you was and that you were goin' 
to see the elephant, I never seen a elephant." 

SIS. — "Jake was a stuflfin' him want he Pa ? " 

ZENOS. — "I i-eckon he was Sis; I'm goin' down on business; very important 
business." 

JAKE. — "War you ever down to New Yoi'k, Zenos ? " 

ZENOS. — "No I want Jake, and I kind of dread it too; drefful wicked city I heai'n, 
pitfalls an all that sort, but I guess I can steer clear of them things." 

Sis. — "O Pa ! don't go, I shall woi'ry myself to death till I see you safe back again." 

BUB. — "Huh ! Pa alnt a goin' to fall in no holes in the ground, I know, be you Pa?" 

MRS. WHITE. — "Wall for my part I wisht you'd stay to hum an let Jake go for 
you — he's been there and knows all their ways." 

JAKE.- "Yaas, I'm tol'by well posted on the city; I was there two days fifteen 

years ago last cider time." 
MIKE. — "An I'm that well posthed on the city av New Yorrick that I could find 

mesilf whin I got losht wid me two eyes shut an the boat of me hands tied 

ahint me." 

JAKE. — "An when war ye in New York? " 

MIKE. — "Whin? Why whin I lanthed at Casthle Garden whin I was a gossoon 
begorri." 

BUB. — "What's a gossoon, Mike?" 

MIKE. — "A gossoon is it ? Why a gossoon is a-a-a." 

JAKE. — "Young greenhorn just over from Old Ireland." 

MIKE. — "Bedad an ye hit it corrictly but I say graner things ivery day nor I was 
whin I lanthed," 

JAKE. — "Zenos you'll want to look out sharp for the bunko steerers." 

MIKE. — "An what kind av a steer is that bedad? Anything like the ould man's 
brindle steers ? " 

BUB. — "O I heard about one last night down to the grocery. Jones was a tellin' 
it. He said a steer got loose and run down Broadway road an knocked things 
right an left an hurt lots of folks." 

MIKE. — "An was anybody kilted ? " 

JAKE. — "O that wan't a bunko steerer. A bunko steerer is a man that steers you 
into bad places an then kills you, takes your watch an money an then throws 
your body into the crick." v / 

Bub and Sis run to Zenos, throw their arms around his neck and cry "O don't 
go Pa to New York — you wont will you Pa? " 

ZENOS. — "Sho now children, it's all one of' Jake's lies; I shall take down the old 
musket an it'll be a mighty smart steer of any kind that'll get a first whack at 
me." 

MRS. WHITE. — "Zenos you give up the business now — give it up and let Jake go." 

JAKE, — "Y^es, Zenos let me go and if I get scooped in there wont be any orphans 
nor widders left to mourn because they can't find my body to plant a stun over " 

MIKE. — "Yes let him go and may some moighty foine bunko steer get a holt ov him, 
cause we can spare him, an pace to his ashes an our own too I'm a thinkin." 
(Enter from back a little girl with pail.) 
"Please Miss White, Ma wants a quart of milk this morning." 

MRS. WHITE. — "Wall I'm ashamed ov these men they aint milked yet an I spose 
evenin's milk wont do. You see Mr. White has got to go to New Y^ork to- 
morrer on business an the men hev spent a deal ov time at the table. Boys 
you hurry out an do the milkin' and when one ov you get a quart run up to 
the house with it so's not to keep the little girl a waitin." 



(i 

(Mike and Jake take tlie tin pails and go ont; Zenos takes down the old musket 
and carefully loads it, talking meantime.) 

"I wunder if I'll hev to shoot close range, the pesky thing scatters so that it'll kill 
everybody in New York if I shoot at a bunko steer mor'n four rods off. I'll 
put in double Bs and a wad of tow over um an that'll kind of concentulate the 
fire. Mother ! where's the tow ? " 

MRS. WHITE.— "What dy'e want tow fer ? " 

ZENOS.— "To load the musket with." 

MRS. WHITE.— "O you aint a goin' to carry that gun with you, Zenos." 

ZENOS.— "Yes I am. Where's the tow ? " 

MRS. WHITE.— "Down suller in the rag bag." 

Zenos lights a candle and goes down. Can be heard tumbling around; at last he 
is heard calling "Ma, Ma where's your tarnation old rag bag anyway ? " 

MRS. WHITE — "O dear, anything but a man to find what he's lookin' fer — I'll 
come myself and find it." 

ZENOS. — ''No don't yew come — tell me where the pesky old thing is an I can find 
it jes' as well as you can; there now the draft's put out my light an I can't 
find the stairs; let Bub bring me some matches." 

MRS. WHITE.— (Getting matches.) "O dear I wisht I'd a gone myself now an I 
will." (Goes.) 

Bub approaches gun, picks it up and points it at the ceiling; Sis and other little 
girl cry out "Put it down '" Bub swaggers around still pointing the gun at various 
objects while tlie girls stop their ears and get under the table. Bub finally acci- 
dentally fires off the gun. It kicks him over on the floor where he lies as if dead, 
tlie girls scream loudly, Mrs. White down cellar screams and Zenos runs up stairs 
followed by Mrs. White. Bub still lies on the floor. Mrs. White rushes to him 
and cries "My boy is killed." Mike enters with milk. 

ZENOS. — "Drop that an run fer the doctor quick." 

Mike obedient to the command drops the milk °pail and the milk runs all over 
the floor while he stares at Zer.os. 

ZENOS. — "Run fer the doctor my boy is killed," 

MIKE. — "An what good'll a dochter do? better go fer a undertaker I'm thinkin." 

ZENOS. — "Go — hurry get a doctor, he may come to." 

MIKE.-^"Yes he'll come too I'm a thinkin, if ye send fer him. (Goes out.) 

BUB. — :(Rising up, hand on his forehead.) "Is it all over ? " 

MRS. WHITE.—' 'Is what all over my pet lamb ? " 

BUB. — "Why the thunder storm — did lightning strike me? " 

ZENOS — "Did the gun shoot you? Take off his coat and see where it hit him. 
Where do you feel bad bubby ? " 

BUB. — "Right here." (Puts hand on his shoulder.) 

ZENOS. — (Pulls off coat and rolls up Bub's shirt sleeve.) "Haw ! haw ! the old gun 
keecked him — only black an blue, there want no shot in it, bet a bunko steei'il 
get fits if he stans in front ov a charge like that when the shot's all in." 

CURTAIN DROPS. 



MOT II. 

Scene. — Interior of Restaurant in New York. Ferdinand Courtney, Esq. alias 
Slick Sam seated at table, other patrons and ivaiters present. Enter Zenvs White car- 
rying a huge old fashioned carpet bag on which is printed his name in two inch ivhite 
letters, 

ZENOS WHITE, 

COLLINSVILLE, CONN. 

Zenos carries the musket across his shoulder as though out hunting. He is 
dressed in long old fashioned overcoat, tippet wound sevei-al times around his 
neck, coonskin cap with ear lappets, and homespun mittens; his pants are rolled 
up at the bottoms disclosing heavy cowhide boots recently greased with tallow. 
He is met by white aproned waiter who tries hard not to laugh, and who ushers 
him to table where Slick Sam is seated. Waiter attempts to take his bag but is 
repulsed by Zenos. All in the room laugh silently. 

ZENOS.— "No you don't ole feller. I guess I kin take keer of that air bag myself." 
(Sets bag under the table; puts musket against the wall and then sits down 
without removing his cap or outside garments.) "Say you" (to waiter) "What 
hev you got to eat old feller ? " 

WAITER.— (Placing menu card before him.) "Bill of fare." 

ZaNOS. — "Expect a man to pay afore he gits anything to eat do you? Wall I 
ruther guess not." 

SLICK SAM,— (Very pohtely.) "That sir. is a printed list of food furnished at 
this place. You can look it over, select anything you like, and order it of the 
waiter, and he will bring it to you." 

ZENOS.— (Looking very pleasantly at Slick Sam.) "Wall you're the first gentleman 
I've met sence I left hum. Shake hands." (Pulls off mitten and they shake 
hands across the table.) 

SLICK SAM.— "Now if I were you I'd take off my cap, tippet, overcoat and mit- 
tens, hang them up on the rack behind you and be sort of comfortable. You'll 
enjoy your lunch and won't take cold when you go out." 

ZENOS.— "You're right an' I'll take your advice." (Rises and takes olf his wraps 
and hangs them up.) 

SLICK SAM.— "Are you a resident of New York ?" 

ZENOS.— "Wall no, I ami. My name is Zenos White and I live in Connecticut, 
Collinsville. I'm a farmer an' hev come down here to buy a melojum, Do you 
know where I can get a good melojum at a fair price ? " 

SLICK SAM.— "Why yes, and as I am something of a musician myself I'll go 
around with you and help select one if you would like to have me, but you 
had best give the waiter your order." 

ZENOS.— "Yes that's so. Waiter bring me an oyster stew and some soda crackers." 

WAITER.— "Plain or Boston stew ? " 

ZENOS.— "Boston? No, New York of course. When I go to Boston I'll take a 
Boston stew an' not afore." (Waiter goes out Left smiling.) 

SLICK SAM. — "About how mUch do you expect to pay for a melodeon?" 

ZENOS.— "Wall you see I don't know much about the things— I don't want to pay 
more'n I'm obleeged to; you see crops aint av'raged extry this year, an' I didn't 
hev only two hundred dollars in the house, but I brought thaf^ along. I guess 
one wont cost more'n that or a hundred an' fifty or so will it? " 

SLICK SAM.— "No, I think that one hundred and twenty-five will be enough. By 
the way what do you invest your spare cash in ? " 

(Enter waiter with oyster stew and crackers. Zenos crumbs crackers into stew 
and spoons up great mouthfuls.) 

ZENOS.— "Wall I get a moggage if I can on some propty I know, an' when I can't 
get a moggage I slaps the money into the bank." 



SLICK SAM.— "But are not you afraid of tlie Banks? " 

ZENOS. — "Wall NO, You see I scatters my money 'round in different Banks, bad 
luck couldn't tumble 'em all down to onct, now oould it ? " 

SLICK SAM. — "No, not as a rule, still I don't believe in putting much money into 
Banks; besides, most Banks won't allow a man to deposit over a thousand 
dollars and then you must hunt up another. Why if a man had much money 
to deposit, the Banks wouldn't hold out." 

ZENOS. — (Looking slyly at his companion. "O I don't let that disturb me. I go 
to the Bank an' deposit a thousan' in ')ny name, an' then a thousan' in Mrs. 
Zenos White's name (she's my wife), then a thousan' in Bub's name (he's my 
boy), an' then a thousan' in Sissy's name (she's my girl). I done that to four 
Banks an' hev begun on my fifth." 

SLICK SAM. — "Whew! You are cute I must say. Well if you have finished 
we'll go in quest of the melodeon" (Waiter enters from L and Zenos is about to 
pay and takes out a huge calf wallet, but Slick Sam holds out his hand and 
presses the pocket book down.) "No ! No ! Mr. White. I've enjoyed your 
pleasant conversation and feel that I have met a genial companion, and you 
must allow me to act as your entertainer in the eating line and to include the 
payment of your bill with that of mine; no words or you'll offend me." (Pays 
waiter.) 

ZENOS. — "You're mighty kind young chap, but I didn't expect such condescension 
on the part of a feller I'd never seen afore, but I shant fergit it; just you come 
up to Collinsville an' see me sometime, an' everything I've got is yourn, an' 
Mirandy (that's my wife) '11 feed you on doughnuts that's riz so light that you 
can eat a Ijushel an' they wont hurt you a mite. I've got a peck here in my 
bag." (Opens bag. takes out two, passes one to Slick Sam and keeps the other), 
"We'll eat these while goin to the store to buy the melojium." 

SLICK SAM. — "Thanks. I'll save mine till I'm hungry later" (puts doughnut in 
his pocket and helps Zenos put on his overcoat; when ready to go Zenos takes 
up the musket and examines priming, carelessly swinging it araund in range of 
the waiters and patrons who hop nimbly right and left, crying vociferously for 
him to "point it somewhere else." 

SLICK SAM.— "Why do you carry the gun?" 

ZENOS. — "Wall you see I might meet a bunko steer an' I want to be prepared. 
He'll hev to be mighty smart if he gits his horns into me first." 

SLICK SAM. — "I am afraid you'll get into trouble carrying the gun through the 
streets. There's a city ordinance forbidding it." 

ZENOS. — "There is hey ! Wall long's there aint no orderance ginst steers bunker- 
ing me in the streets I shell carry the gun." 

They go out. 

WAITER. — (Watching them out with staring eyes and mouth wide open.) "Well 
that old man's bound to get skinned." 

Street scene slides into place. Enter Slick Sam and Zenos. They pass across the 
stage, Zenos eating his doughnut and proudly carrying his musket and carpet bag, 
the lettered side of valise toward the audience. They pass out and after proper 
interval to allow Zenos to prepare, the street opens disclosing 



Scene. — Interior of farmhouse sitting room as in Act I. Uncle Zenos, Mrs. White, 
Bub, Sis, Mike and JaJce present. Time, evening — candles lighted. Mrs. White knit- 
ting. Zenos reading paper holds candle in one hand, Buh on the floor playing with 
the cat. Sis studying. Mike and Jake playing checkers before the open fireplace. 

Door opens at back and Zeb Wilson the stage driver puts in his head. 

ZEB. — "Evenin' Uncle Zenos; I've got a box here fer you. Shall I dump her in 
here ? " 



;. 



ZENOS. — '-Yes. yes, Zeb. Here you Jake and Mike go out and bring it in, an' 
handle it mighty keerful too." (Exit Mike and Jake.) "/?m6, you git the lan- 
tern an' step lively. Sis, you git the hammer an' hatchet, an' mother you bring 
two cheers " (She does so. Enter Mike and Jake bringing in a box.) 

ZENOS. — "Set her down keerful now." (They lay it on the chairs. Enter Bub 
with lantern.) 

ZENOS.— "We don't want that now. Why don't you step livelier? " 

BUB. — "Jake left it out to the hoghouse an' I couldn't find it any quicker." 

MIKE. — "An' how could he see it whin he didn't have the lantern to look for it 
with 'i " 

ZENOS. — "Sis, why on airth don't you bring that hammer an' hatchet?" 

SIS. — "I'm coming Pa." 

ZENOS.— "So's Christmas." 

(Enter Sis with hammer and hatchet and hands them to Zenos who opens box. 
Bub and Sis dance around with joy as the melodeon is taken out and set on its legs.) 

MIKE.— "An' is that the squaler?" 

(Bub and Sis try it alternately u&ing one finger on a key at a time. Bub picks 
out in this way Yankee Doodle while all stand around in admiration.) 

ZENOS. — "Here you Jake; you run right over to Miss Smith's and tell Becky to 
come right over to play for us. Tell her to bring over the Carminy Sacrey 
an' the Juberlatti so's we kin have a sing; an' you Mike go up to Jim Doolittleses 
an' get Edith to come down, an' find some of the boys, Jess Hoicom an' — an' 
Bill Spring an' anybody else you see, an' we'll hev a good sing." 

MIKE. — "An' will oi bring the Praste? " 

(Exit Mike and Jake.) 

BUB. — "Say Pa, am I a going to learn to play ?" 

ZENOS. — "Yes, you an' Sissy. We'll hev Becky tackle you right off an' I want you 
understan that you've got to stay home nights an' give me some music, an' 
to keep away from the store down to the Cross-roads. Do you understan ? " 

BUB. — "Yes Pa, I will; see I can pick out 'The Minstrel's returned from the war.' 
See here Dad." (He plays with one finger a part of the song.) 

ZENOS. — "Wall I declare mother, the boy's a rale genus — heislvwrn. Now sing 
too, Bub." 

(Bub in a voice ranging from bass to shrill soprano sings a verse.) 
"The minstrel's returned from the war, 
With spirits as buoyant as e'er 
He gave his guitar for a shield 
And bade his dear loved one adieu." 

(Enter Mike.) 

MIKE.— "They'll all be do,wn right off." 

ZENOS. — ''Mike, that boy's a rale musical genus, just hear that." 

MIKE. — "Begorri, it sounds like the old barn door av a fhrosty marnin." 

ZENOS. — "Git out Mike, you aint got no more ear for music than a brindle steer." 

MIKE. — "No more oi haint if that same's music." 

Merry voices and laughing heard without, stamping of feet as if getting rid of 
snow. Enter Jake followed by Rebecca Smith, Edith Doolittle, Jessie Holcomb, 
Bill Spring and others. Mrs. White and Zenos shake hands with the company, 
and cries of "how'd ye do" and "mighty glad to see yer," "pesky glad yer come 
down," on Zenos' part, and "Howdye," "good evenin Mrs. White, good evenin 
Uncle Zenos," etc. etc. are heard. 

REBECCA.— "Well, well, Uncle Zenos, what have you been doing? If I shant 
give up. Why I never thought you would get a melodeon. Isn't it lovely?" 
(All stand around and admire it.) "What ever possessed you to get one?" 



10 

ZENOS. — "An' why shouldn't I, Becky ? Mother an' me want some music to livin 
us up a little, an' we want you to give Bub and Sis here lessons an' begin right 
off termorror." 

MRS. WHITE.— "Yes Becky, I think the children will git along first rate, don't 
you ? " 

ZENOS.— "Why Bub's a rale genus; he's picked out -The Minstrel's returned from 
the war' rale peart, aint he Ma? It 'ud do your soul good to hear him. Go an' 
show 'em Bub what you can do in that line." (Bub nothing daunted goes 
toward the melodeon but Jake speaks.) 

JAKE. — "O we aint got no time to fool away; it's mighty nigh bedtime, let's git to 
work an' hev a sing. Let Becky set right down and begin." 

MRS. WHITE. — "Yes Becky, take your wraps off— all off you — an' Sissy you take 
their things an' put 'em in the bedroom on the bed." (Sissy takes their wraps 
and carries them out). "Now Becky, set right down an' give us some music." 
(Rebecca sits down, runs her fingers over the keys and then turning to those 
behind her says) 

REBECCA.— "Well what shall it be?" 

JAKE. — "Give us the Irish washerwoman." 

MIKE. — "An' what's the matter with St. Pathrick's day in the mawnin?" 

ZENOS. — "Let's begin with some of the good old tunes in the Carminy Sacrey." 
(Rebecca opens the book the others gather about her.) 

REBECCA. — "Let's sing 'Our days are as the grass.' " 

They all sing. 

Outside is heard Zeb Wilson's voice. "Whoa — hey there ! — Whoa ! I say, can't 
you Stan still?" A whip cracks. "There consarn yer — stanthen.'' 

BUB. — "The stage's druv right up to the door. Somebody's comin." 

(A loud knock at the door, Mike goes and opens it.) 

SLICK SAM —(Outside.) "Does Mr. Zenos White reside here! " 

MIKE.— "No sorr." 

SLICK SAM. — "Here driver, don't go off This is the wrong place." 

JEB WILSON. — "Not much it aint. Uncle Zenos White lives here or I'm dead- 
drunk and don't know it." 

MIKE. — "An' live here is it? An' why didn't yer say so, an' not ax me does he 
preside here. Is it the Rooshan langwitch yees be afther spakin? " 

ZENOS.— "Step in sir." 

(Enter Slick Sam and is grabbed by Zenos with every demonstration of joy.) 

ZENOS. — "Wall ef I shant give up. When did you come down? Why mother, 
this is Mr. Courtney of New York. You remember I told you all about him. 
I'm mighty glad to see yer. Where's your trunk ? " 

MR. COURTNEY.— "I have a small valise only, which I left at the hotel below." 

ZENOS. — "What 'dye do thet fer?^ Aint my house your home long's your a 
mind to stay with us ? " 

MRS. WHITE. — (Coming forward and shaking hands.) "I am glad to see you. 
Zenos has told us all over and over agin about your kindness to him when he 
went down to the City." 

ZENOS.— "Yes mother, an' I don't doubt me but that I'd a got tackled by some of 
them bunko steers if I hadn't a had Mr. Courtney along to look after me." 

MR. COURTNEY. — "A bunco steerer is too good a judge of shrewd looks to take 
you for a greenhorn. Uncle Zenos." 

JAKE.— (Working up to the side of Mike.) "An' he looks like a bunko steer 
hisself." 



n 

MIKE.— (To Jake.) "An' bedad, he do be a lookin that same, an oi niver sane one 
niesilf aither. " 

ZENOy.— "Mother set the table an' give Mr. Courtney suthin to eat— he's hungry 
after liis long ride." 

MU. COURTNEY.— "O no, don't trouble. I'm not hungry I assure you. Introduce 
me to your company and let the music go on. I am something of a singer my- 
self, and will join you." 

ZENOS. — "Why sartinly. Ladies an' gentlemen, this air Mr. Courtney of New 
York, an' a gentleman every time." (Turning to Courtney) "There, iiow you're 
acquainted, now sail in." 

MR. COURTNEY.— -'Ladies and gentleman, I am glad to meet you all." (Advanc- 
ing to player.) "You will allow me to turn the music? " 

REBECCA.— (With eyes cast modestly down.) "Yes sir— thank you." 

ZENOS. — "Let's open with 'Old lang syne', seems ter me that's appropriate." 

(Rebecca finds the place, during which time Mike and Jake are having an earn- 
est whispered discussion with many motions and head shakings. They all sing 
"Auld Lang Syne" and then "Home,sweethome," during which.Mr. Courtney wipes 
his eyes frequently. After this they sing "Silver moon" and "Listen to the Mocking 
Bird.") 

ZENOS. — "Wall Mr. Courtney, you air quite an addition. You've got a voice 
sweet's a tud in the spring." (All laugh and Mr. Courtney bows and smiles.) 
They sing "Old folks at home", and curtain drops." 



KCT III. 

Scene. — Room in New York. Maps hung on the walls. Large table m center on 
which papers are placed. Door at rear. Seated around table are Pete, Mose and 
Jim, confidence men and confederates of Slick Sam. 

PETE. — "Where's Tom ? He was to be here at nine o'clock," (taking watch from 
pocket) "and now it's half past ten." 

JIM. — "Well I hope he hasn't got into trouble, he's always behind time, and is a 
perfect worriment to me because he's so careless and dilatory. Business before 
pleasure's my motto." 

PETE. — "And mine too. Do you know I don't feel easy about Slick Sam, we 
hav'n't heard a word from him since he wrote us the day after he got there. 
You don't believe he'd go back on us— fleece the old farmer and his neighbors, 
and then slope with the proceeds and not divvy, do youV" 

MOSE. — "O you talk too much with your mouth, I've got more charity than that. 
I know Sam too well to think harshly of him, a more honorable man never 
lived. If he gets a good slice he'll remember us all boys, now mark that. 1 
want to ask every one here if he ever knew Sam to do anything mean? " 



12 

JIM.— "Well we wou't talk about it; here comes Tom I guess, someone's coming 
up the stairs." (All listen, steps heard without as though party was coming 
up steps, then knock at door.) 

PETE.— (Stepping to door ) "Who?" 

TOM.— (Outside.) "Tom." 

Pete unlocks the door and Tom enters from rear. 
PETE.— "You're a pretty fellow." 
MOSE.— "What made you come at all ? " 
JIM. — "O bother, where'syour charity?" 

Tom. — "Don't say anything boys, I've got a letter from Sam." 
MOSE. — "Well sit right down and read it out loud; it'll save time." 
TOM.— "All right." 

(All assume attitudes of attention and Tom breaks the seal and reads.) 

"Dear boys: — I hardly know how to write you for what I have to say I feel will 
surprise and pain you." — 

MOSE, — (Interrupting.) "Now what's up?" 

JIM. — "O keep quiet; go ahead Tom." 

TOM. — "Where was I? Oh 'will surprise and pain you. Had I known how this 
affair would have terminated I would never have undertaken it.' " 

MOSE. — "Boys, he's slopped over and got jugged. ' 

PETE. — "Where's your charity? I thought he'd gone back on us and noiv I knoiv it." 

JIM. — "Go ahead Tom, let's know the whole story." 

TOM. — (Continues reading.) "I never would have undertaken it. Boys, I will 
make a cleari breast of it; the old farmer with whom I am stopping is the most 
wholesouled man I ever met. I could no more take his money than I could 
steal from my own father." 

MOSE. — "That's quite pathetic, boys. Sam's getting pious I guess." 

JIM. — ' O shut up, let's get at the bottom of this. Finish it Tom and I'll brain the 
next man who makes a lisp." 

TOM. — "Than I could from my own father. Boys, I'm going to turn over a new 
leaf. The past I can't undo; the present I have and will live it as it should be 
lived,and I hope to atone for a life that so far has been worse than thrown away. 
I shall seek some way of earning a respectable living, marry the loveliest and 
best gii'l that ever lived"^ — 

MOSE. — (Interrupting.) "There that explains it all, he's gone sure." 

PETE. — "Poor Sam, inust we give thee up ? " 

JIM.— ''Finish, Tom." 

TOM. — (Reading.) "The loveliest and best girl that ever lived, and in the quiet 
countiy close to Nature's great heart, pass the remnant of my days in that 
peace and quiet which the city can never give." 

MOSE. — "He's gone, poor boy ! " 

TOM.— (Reading.) "But the past shall be buried; nothing that has been done shall 
be resurrected by me; but I desire no further correspondence. Nothing will 
shake my resolve. We part here, and may the Lord bring you all to see the 
error of your ways before it is too late for you to repent. With best wishes 
for your future, I remain your friend, F. COURTNEY." 

JIM. — "Well, if that don't beat me. The smartest man in his profession gone out 
of it in this way." 

MOSE. — "What are we going to do boys ? " 

PETE — "Well Jean see about twenty years apiece for each one of us soon as Sam 
gets his conscience acute enough to make him feel it his duty to blow on us," 



l:'. 

TOM.— "You're right old feller. You're talking right at the mark now, yon are. 
Look out for the C!ops any minute." 

JIM. — "See here boys, I've been thinking right on that line myself. Now lets set 
a back fire." 

PETE. — '-How are we going to do it ? " 

JIM. — "Why, just send for the Chief of Police and arrange for our own safety and 
then give Sam away. There's a cool ten thousand offered for the Manhattan 
Bank burglai's you know." 

PETE. — "Say boys, cook that right noiv, and I'll go out and bring in the Chief." 

JIM. — "Well go ahead and we'll fix it up. Boys pull down the oil maps and get 
them out of sight." 

Pete goes out and all pull down maps, roll them up and put them away. 

JIM. — "Now boys let me do the talking when the Chief comes, don't any of you 
say a word, Here, give me a pen and some ink and I'll write an agreement of 
indemnity from arrest and make the chief sign it so he can't eat his own words 
and then say he never said 'em." 

Tom brings pen and ink and Jim writes — a minute or so passes away and then he 
reads what he has written as follows: 

"To whom it may concern: This is to certify that on receipt of information as to 
the instigator and chief burglar in the Manhattan Bank robbery of June 11, 1855, 
I, Thomas Wharton, Chief of Police of New York City, do hereby promise full in- 
demnity from arrest or harm at the hands of the law for any part they may have 
had in said burglary to the following named parties, to wit, viz. : Peter Blunder, 
James Whimper, Thomas Seaforth, and Moses Tryon, and it is fully understood 
and agreed that the above mentioned parties shall have no part or parcel, nor make 
any claim or demand whatever in or to the reward of ten thousand dollars oflfered 
by the City Council of New York for the detection of the burglar or burglars, and 
they further agree to hold themselves in readiness to appear and witness against 
the party charged with the said burglary, whenever su.mmoned by proper authority. 

In witness whereof I have hereunto set my hand and seal this 25th day of January 
A. D. 1856." 

MOSE. — "Well Jim, you ought to have been a lawyer, that's a fine document." 

TOM. — "Its a good one, now make a copy so we can keep one and let him have the 
other, and when it is all fixed up my mind will feel less crinkly than it has 
since the bu.rglary." 

JIM. — "Nonsense, there's no real danger, still it's best to be on the safe side. Hush, 
here they come; remember and let me do the talking, , I don't want any help." 

Enter Pete followed by Chief of Police and two Aids. 

PETE. — (To Chief.) "I suppose there's no need of an introduction ? " 

CHIEF, — "None at all. If you have any proposition to make let's hear it at once.' 

JIM. — "Send your two men into the other room." 

CHIEF. — • 'W^ell I hardly know whether it is safe to stay alone with you gentlemen 
or not." 

JIM. — "O you're perfectly safe; we need you too much about this time to care to 
make way with you, besides we havn't got quite so low as to take to murder 
yet " 

CHIEF. — "No I suppose not; but how about the Bank Teller up Hoboken way?" 

JIM. — "Stop right there, you've said enough, let your men go into the other room 
for half an hour; you're safe." 

CHIEF. — "Boys go into that room and if you hear a noise that seems suspicious, 
don't wait for my call but come out at once." (They go out. Chief sits near 
the door to room they enter; takes revolver from his pocket and holds it in his 
hand.) "Now go on gentlemen, I am ready for the story." 

.JIM. — "There's ten thousand dollars up for tlie ari-est and conviction of the 
Manhattan Bank burglar." 



14 

CHIEF.— "Every one knows that. Have you sent for me simply to give me infor- 
mation of this kind ? " 

JIM.— "Not exactly, but you would like the ten thousand dollars if you could get 
it, wouldn't you ? " 

CHIEF.— "Ten thousand dollars don't grow on every bush as I have discovered.' 

JIM.— "No, nor it can't be found in the street every day the sun shines. Now 
Chief, if you could put your hand on the head conspirator in the Manhattan 
Bank burglary and by nabbiug him be enabled to pocket the ten thousand dol- 
lars, would you agree not to proceed against his confederates who might be led 
by compunctions of conscience to betray him?" 

CHIEF.— "Yes I would." 

JIM. — ''Would you sign an agreement to that effect?" 

CHIEF.— "That's another thing, my word is good." 

JIM. — "Nothing is good that isn't in black and white. That goes." 

CHIEF. — "All right, I'll sign. Who's the man and where is he ? " 

JIM. — "First sign the document." 

Chief reads paper. "Ah by this you acknowledge yourselves accessories to the 
fact." 

JIM. -"Where are your witnesses? who wrote that paper, and what is it worth with- 
out a signature ? " , 

CHIEF.— (Musing.) "Ten thousand dollars.— I'll sign it." Writes his name on the 
paper and hands it to Jim. 

JIM,.— (Looking over the paper.) "Call in your men to witness your signature." 

CHIEF. — "Take two of your men." 

JIM. — "You're a poor lawyer, an interested party can't witness a document." 

CHIEF. — ' 'O, all right." (Steps to door and calls in his men.) "Here you Henry 
and James" (enter aids,) "Please put your names on this document as witnesses 
to my signature." 

(The men sign their names.) 

CHIEF. — "There that is all. You can go back to the room and hold yourselves in 
readiness as before." (Exit aids.) "And now gentlemen, who and where is he ?" 

JIM. — (Takes document, looks it over, puts blotter on signatures, folds and puts it 
in his pocket book.) "He's in Coliinsville, Conn., and his name is Ferdinand 
Courtney, alias Slick Sam." 

CHIEF. — "Slick Sam? I have followed him and all you gentlemen ever since the 
burglary, but nothing ever came up to prove you connected with the affair." 

JIM — (Winking at Chief.) "No, cause we didna't have anything to do with it, but 
we are very anxious to have you take Sam, because we don't feel safe to have 
such characters around." 

CHIEF. — "No, I suppose not. Well gentlemen, I will take steps in the matter at 
once and it will be a bad job for you if I have been put on the wrong scent." 
(Raises his voice.) "Come boys, we're off now." (Enter aids and police go out.) 

JIM.-^"Boys, that's a go, one traitor the less." 

CURTAIN. 



15 

MOT I^. 

Scene. — Room in tavern. Ferdinand Courtney preparing to go out, has overcoat 
on his arm and hat in hand. Rap heard at door. 

COURTNEY.— "Come in." 

Enter at right chief of p >lice Wharton in citizen's clothes and overcoat. 

C. POLICE.— "Good day. sir, have I the honor to address Mr. Ferdinand Courtney?" 

COURTNEY. — "That is my name." 

C. POLICE — ' 'Alias Slick Sam ? " 

COURTNEY. — "W-h-a-t?" 

C. POLICE. — "Yes, I thought so." (Opens overcoat and shows his police badge. 
Levels a revolver at Courtney's head.) "'Hands up. Hands up I say." 

COURTNEY. — "But I am not armed, you need not treat me in this manner. Be 
seated sir, and let us talk this matter over." 

(They sit down, the officer watching Courtney sharply.) 

COURTNEY. — "Now sir, what am I to understand by this? You intrude yourself 
into my room and without further ceremony place a pistol at my head; what 
does it all mean ? " 

C. POLICE. — "It simply means this. You are my prisoner, arrested for burglaris- 
ing the Manhattan Bank of New York. You will return with me by the next 
train, the stage leaves here in a little over an hour." 

COURTNEY. — "Enough sir, I will go with you though comparatively innocent of 
this grave charge." 

C. POLICE. — "Stop sir, you need not criminate yourself, anything you wish to do 
must be done at once, the time is short." 

Jake's voice heard outside. "Say, aint any of you fellers got a paper that'll give 
the news? The old man's rippin' round like a yaller bull in fly time. What's the 
news anyway ? " 

(Officer rises and closes the window.) 

COURTNEY — "I have little to do to prepare myself, but I have a favor to ask. 
Let me go on my word of honor, to return in an hour. I wish to bid some 
very dear friends farewell." 

C. POLICE. — "Let you go when I've got you fast? Why there's ten thousand dol' 
lars on your head and I get it if I take you back all right." 

COURTNEY.— (Bitterly. "O, that's it. Well, I haven't money enough to buy you 
off, and the time is too precious for me to make great delay by talking; but 
Tom Wharton, do you know me?" 

C. POLICE. — "Ha ! you have seen me in New York and heard my name." 

COURTNEY. — {Musingly). '-Up in Schorarie County there's a little red school- 
house, do you remember when you went there to school ? " 

C. POLICE.— '-How did ijou know ? " 

COURTNEY.— "Never mind. Remember Mabel Snow?" 

C. POLICE. — "Remember Mabel? I'll never forget her. I've kept single all my life 
for memory of her." 

COURTNEY. — "Yes sweet girl, and she sleeps in the little country church yard 
back of the old meeting house on the hill" 

C. POLICE — '-Yes she does. How did you know?" 

COURTNEY. — 'And then you remember the old swimming hole, and how you had 
the cramp and went down twice." 

C. POLICE — "Yes, and was going down the last time when Dick Waite pulled me 
out and saved my life, plucky fellow.'' 



16 

COURTNEY.— (Quietly.) "Yes, 1 am Dick Waite." 

C. POLICE.— (Starting toward him.) "You ? I can't believe it. You Dick? " 

COURTNEY. — "Yet, I'm Dick. Do you remember the tattoes we put on each 

other's arm ? " 
C. POLICE. — "Yes, and you put Mabel's name on my arm." 

COURTNEY. — "Yes, and you put 'e pluribus unum' on mine." (Takes off coat, 
rolls up shirt sleeves and shows marks on arm.) "There it is yet " 

C POLICE.— (Laying down pistol, takes off coat, rolls up his shirt sleeve and shows 
name 'Mabel' in uncouth letters on his arm) "O Dick, my old friend," (ad- 
vances and lays a hand on each shoulder and looks him in the face), ' -to think 
it has come to this, that I must take you back with me; the boy who saved my 
life." 

COURTNEY. — "You must do your duty old man, but you will regard the word of 
honor of him who saved your life, and let him go and bid good bye to one who 
was to have linked her life to his ? " 

C. POLICE.- "Yes go. I place in your keeping my reputation as one of the best 
officers on the force; never have I taken a bribe or betrayed a trust, nor have I 
let a prisoner out of my sight before. Do not betray me now." 

COURTNEY. — "I will not. I shall be here again in time for the stage. Bless you 
Tom, for this." 

C. POLICE.— "Bless you Dick." 

Courtney goes hastily out, and Chief paces up and down front of stage. 

C. POLICE.— (Soliloquizes ) "Well this is a pretty kettle of fish. If I only could 
have known. I'd never have meddled with it I hope he will leave the country 
straight; but if he does and it should become known that I had him in my 
power, I shall be tried for conspiring in his escape and indicted for accepting 
bribes." (Groans.) "O ivliat a mistake. — What a mess. If becomes back — 
which I hope he won't — I'll have to give him up to justice, and if he runs away 
(which I hope he will) my prospects are ruined for life and like as not I'll have 
to go to prison myself." 

Rap at door. 

C. POLICE.— "Come in." 

JAKE. — (Entering.) "Please sir, hev ye jest come from New York ? " 

C. POLICE.— (Crossly). "And suppose I have?" 

JAKE. — "Well sir, I'm trying to git a paper for the old man, an' thinkin ye might 
have one that ye have read all the news out of, I thought I'd make bold to ask 
ye for it." 

C. POLICE. — "Well here's the paper, take it along." (Hands paper.) 

JAKE.— (Taking paper.) "An' what'll it be ? " 

C. POLICE. — (Crossly.) "It won't be anything but a newspaper that I know of." 

JAKE. — "Yes, but the price? " 

C. POLICE. — "I'm not a newsboy. Give it to the old man with my compliments, 
and get out of this." 

JAKE. — "I will, an' thank ye sir." 

C. POLICE. — "Well I'll go down to the office.'" Goes out and scene slides open 
disclosing 

Scene. — The sitting room as in Act 1. Zenos White seated there alone. 

Enter Courtney from R, advances to Zenos with hand extended. 

COURTNEY.— "Good evening, my friend." (Shakes hands.) "lam glad to find 
you alone for I want to talk with you." 



17 

ZENOS. — "I'm alius glad to talk with Mr. Courtney, so fire away." 

COURTNEY. — "Uncle Zenos, you have been very kind to me, and have treated me 
in tiie most friendly and liospitable manner, and I want to have you know that 
I appreciate it." 

ZENOS. — "Sho now, wiiy shouldn't I ? Don't you s'pose I've got a good memory ? 
Don't you s'pose that I know you clean through an' found you out to be a gen- 
tleman, one of nature's noblemen so to speak?" 

COURTNEY. — "Don't talk so Uncle Zenos, yovi little know the dark spots in my life, 
you little know the temptations that have beset me in the past, nor the number 
of times I have fallen." 

ZENOS. — "Sho now, wa'n't I a boy myself? S'pose I don't know anything 'bout 
temptations an' sich ? Why bless you," (looking around slyly and speaking in 
an undertone) "I got drunk onct myself. My wife don't know it, and I 
wouldn't have you speak of it for the world. I know 'bout wild oats; a young 
feller is a young feller. Can't tell me." 

COURTNEY. — "Y^ou are very kind, Uncle Zenos, and can't believe evil of any one, 
but I must hurry on as I am soon to leave town." 

ZENOS.— "W-h-a-t ! " 

COURTNEY. — "Yes, Uncle Zenos. News of a surprising character has reached 
me and I must leave town within an hour. If I never see you again" 

ZENOS.— (Interrupting.) "W-h-a-t ! " 

COURTNEY. — "If we never meet on earth again"— — 

ZENOS. — "Sho now— how you talk." 

COURTNEY.— "Don't forget me." 

ZENOS.— "I never will." 

COURTNEY^ — "And Uncle Zenos, if you ever hear anything to my discredit, don't 
believe it." 

ZENOS. — (Stepping close to Courtney and placing one hand on his shoulder.) "See 
here young feller, you've bet^n a gittin into some scrajje. Now if you hev, jejt 
say so, an' I'll bail you out if it takes my last dollar an' I hev to moggage my 
place." 

Courtney covers his face with his hands and sobs. 

ZENOS.— "W-h-a-t!" 

COURTNEY. — "Your great kindness unmans me. I am not used to being dealt 
with in this way. Uncle Zenos, you are an angel. If everyone was like you 
there would be no ill will in the world. May you never know sorrow or 
trouble." 

ZENOS.— "But let me help you, Mr. Courtney." 

COURTNEY. — 'Y'ou could not. I must go, and may never see you again. May 

the Lord bless and keep you and yours." 
ZENOS. — (Falter ingly.) "I can't talk, O Courtney. I had hoped you would be a 

son to me. I know you couldn't take keer of the farm, but I love you Courtney 

an' if you only ivould stay and be a son to mother an' me, all we have will be 

yourn an' Bub's an' Sissy's sometime." 

COURTNEY. — "O Uncle Zenos, how could I refuse you if I had power to do as my 
wishes prompt me? After a life of ups and downs, years of sin and fast living, 
this quiet country life has brought me peace and the only real friends I have 
known since my boyhood days. If it were for vie to say, not for a moment 
would I hesitate. Forget me ! Forgive me ! " 
Enter Mrs. White from Left. 

ZENOS. — "Mother, it lies now ben three months sence Bub left us to go to the 
city to live, an' I'm afeard he lies fell into city ways an' forgot us all. The old 
home is broken up an' our hearts hev ben sad an' lonely, an' the old house is 
quiet now an' we mivss the fun an' good times we uster hev; we miss the lad's 
hearty laugh, an' mother don't find his things strewed aroun' as she uster,- 
She's pinin for a boy to wait on an' joick up after, an' now our other boy we've 
learnt to love is goin' to leave us too an' we shall be all alone." (Folds his arms 
over the back of a chair and rests his head upon them, and sgbs.) 



18 

MRS. WHITE.— (Who has been wiping her eyes with her apron.) "We have 
Sissy, but you know she can't take the place of a boy to Zenos— he wants some- 
one to lean on. Courtney, we cmiJt let you go. Zenos an' me have talked it 
over together lioxirs after the hired men had gone to bed an' was fas to sleep. 
We've wep an' wep cause our boy was gone, an' Courtney, you've crep into our 
hearts an' we love you. All our affection for the livin' is centered in Sis, an' 
- Bub, an' you." 

COURTNEY.— (Softly.) "Mother; Father." 

ZENOS.— (Starting up.) "Did I hear you say 'father'? Bub called me 'Pa,' biit 
somehow when you say 'father' it's like a new an' more skillful player touchin 
my heartstrings an' gettin holt of new feelins. Say it again, Courtney." 

COURTNEY.— "Father, I will be a son to you and mother, and may a kinder than 
earth's friends keep us till we meet again." 

MRS. WHITE.— "An' must you go Courtney ? " 

COURTNEY.— "Yes mother— and may we meet again— and may your other son 
meet with us too." 

ZENOS. — "May we indeed meet again." 

COURTNEY.— "Good bye, mother." (Kisses her.) "Good bye, father." (Takes 
both of Zenos' hands in his.) 

ZENOS. — "Good bye my boy. You will write to cheer us till you come again? " 

COURTNEY.— (Turning aside.) "What can I say?" (To Zenos.) "If I can I 

WILL." 

Enter Rebecca from Left. 

COURTNEY.— "Ah ! Rebecca ? " 

REBECCA.— "Yes, I came down to play and sing a little for Uncle Zenos." 

COURTNEY. — "Well, Uncle Zenos will excuse you this time. I want to talk with 
you and will walk home with you." 

ZENOS.— Yes, go Becky." 

COURTNEY.— "Well, good night and— good bye." 

REBECCA— (Aside.) "Goodbye?" 

Courtney and Rebecca go out at Left, and a country road scene rolls in front of 

the sitting room scene. Enter Rebecca and Courtney from Left she holding his 

arm. 

REBECCA. — "But Ferdinand, I do not understand you at all; why do you talk so 
stiangely ? I am trembling so I can hardly keep from falling. Do not talk so 
Ferdinand, I cannot bear it, indeed I cannot." (They stop and face each other 
about center of stage. Ferdinand takes both her hands in his.) 

COURTNEY. — "My darling, I have no choice in the matter. I must say it. Do 
you think it gives me no pain to tell you these things? Do you think I would 
leave you could I do otherwise ? Can you think for a moment that I would be 
base enough to bid you farewell now and leave you — yoa whom I love so much 
that life to me is not worth the living without you ? " 

REBECCA — "Then why not tell me all ? I would go with you anywhere. I could 
bear with you poverty and social ostracism or a life in uncivilized lands. If 
you go I must go with you." 

COURTNEY. — "Rebecca, it cannot be. You must bear with me for a time. Wait 
for me Rebecca, and though you wait until hope struggles to desert you — yet 
hope on — hope ever. I cannot tell you more. I cannot take you with me, but 
if I am permitted to return again, you shall see me with a love for thee un- 
changed, though the years that have flown shall have blanched that brown 
hair of thine to purest white." 

REBECCA. — "Ferdinand, I cannot let you go." 

COURTNEY. — "My time is up, I must go now. I would willingly die were it not 
for the hope that whispers within me that we shall meet again; and now fare- 
well." (Places his arm about her.) "May the Good Father keep thee and me. 
O that my eyes could carry your image in them forever, that these arms could 
hold thee safe through all time. Good bye," (kisses her) "and if we never meet 
again upon this earth, we shall in that better land where will come no parting- 
forever." 
Tableau. She with head on his shoulder. He with arm around her and head 
bent towards hers. 

CURTAIN. 



19 



HOT ^» 



Scene. — A prison cell, grated window at rear. A chair and loiv bed comprise the 
furniture. 

Courtney iu prison garb paces slowly back and forth. Finally stops before the 
window and gazes out long and wistfully. At length he soliloquizes in a sad voice: 
"Ah beautiful world, given by God to his untliankful creatures. When I walked 
amid your beauties I noted with careless eye your loveUness, and drank in the 
pleasures of life unthinking and unthankful. I debased my being, and returned 
all the good my Maker bestowed upon me, with indifference and ingratitude; yet 
amid all the wild scenes of my life; the curse and maudlin rout of boon compan- 
ions: in my life of crime, the voice of conscience has never slept, it has ever chided 
me for wrong doing, and the teachings of my mother have not been eradicated 
from my heart and mind. Mother ! Oh that word, what does it not bring to me 
now as I remember lier many acts of love, her gentle, tender ways? What thoughts 
come rushing to me of the old home where in boyhood I lived, when father, 
mother, and sister were with me to ever add zest to my waking ambition with their 
free adulation and praise. And mother; dear sainted soul," (takes from his pocket 
a locket and opens it) "long since laid at rest; do you look down upon your boy 
now ? Then know dear mother, that I am nearer you this moment than when in 
crime, with freedom of hand and limb, I strove to forget your teachings and 
prayers. Mother ! I am resolved to live a nobler life. If I could only redeem the 
past I would give my life, but here I am, alone in my cell a criminal. A great war 
is upon our beloved land; O that 1 were free; that I could throw myself in the 
thickest of the fight and expiate my past with my life, or by deeds that would 
wipe out the dreadfid record." (Looks at picture again.) "Mother ! Mother ! ! look 
down on your boy and pity him." (Falls sobbing into a chair with his head on his 
arms. An invisible choir sings "Only a mother's picture." Courtney starts and 
holds out his hand in a listening attitude and when the song is finished he rises 
with a joyful smile and look on his face. "Mother, am I dreaming? No, I am 
awake; but the melody — from whence came it ? I surely heard it ! Ah ! there are 
better days coming. I feel it— I knoiv it. Hark ! there are footsteps. It is not 
time for the jailer to go his rounds, nor is it the sentry, else would I hear the 
hollow clank of his musket butt on the stone floor; nearly a year have I been here 
now, and not a face that I love have I seen in that time Are you still alive, good, 
honest Uncle Zenos ? And Rebecca ? Do you think of me and wonder all sorrow- 
ing of my fate ? Lost to the world and by them all forgot. O no, it cannot be. 
Bring me, kind Father, again to those I love." (Drops into his chair, folds his 
hands in his lap and looks steadfastly at the floor in deep meditation. A key 
sounds in the lock. Enter jailer, sheriff, and recruiting officer.) 
JAILER. — "Prisoner No. 187, your attention." 
COURTNEY.— (Rising.) "I am listening." 
SHERIFF.— "Prisoner, I have in my hands your pardon, granted under certain 

conditions." 
COURTNEY.— "Name them." 

SHERIFF.— "A civil war is going on; the Governor offers to pardon all prisoners 
who are not committed for capital crimes if they will enroll their names with 
this officer, enlist for three years or the war, and fight for their country. Such 
service well and truly made, to stand in place of the sentence imposed upon 
you of a certain term of imprisonment in the state prison. Do you accept his 
honor's pardon and tlae conditions that accompany it?" 
COURTNEY.— "What ! do I hear the words at last that I have so longed to hear? 
What have I prayed for but this? To fight, aye, e\ en to die for my country, 
what could I ask for more ? Give me the pen," 
OFFICER.— (Producing book and pen.) "Write your full name here and then we 
will go to the recruiting station." 
Courtney writes his name. 
SHERIFF. — "Now my man you are free." 

COURTNEY —"Free ! free ! O what is in that word for me?" (Takes out locket 
and kisses the picture.) "Mother I am your boy again. May I prove myself 
all that I was destined to be, and when war is done, may I return (if it be Thy 
will O my Father) to those I love— Uncle Zenos— and Rebecca." 

CURTAIN. 



20 , 
Two years are supposed to have elapsed between Acts IV and VI. 

Scene. — Sitting room. Zenos sits in an easy chair, with both feet swathed in heavy 
woolen bandages and placed in another chair. Mrs. White present. 

ZENOS.— "Mother, Where's Jake?" 

MRS. WHITE. — "Why, I s'pose he's doin the chores out to the barn. D'ye want 
him?" 

ZENOS.— "Yes I do. Call him." 

Mrs. White -goes to door, puts one hand up to shade her eyes and calls lustily, 
"Jake, you Jake, Jake, I say." 

JAKE.— (In distance.) "W-h-a-t ? " 

MRS. WHITE. — "Why don't you come up an' see what I want ? I can't keep this 
door open all day on Zenos's back." 

ZENOS. — "Never mind, mother, he'll be up when he gits ready; you can't hurry 
him a mite." 

MRS. WHITE. — "I know it. I wisht I was behind him with my broom; he's mog- 
gin along as though he was a foUerin a funeral percession." 

ZENOS. — "Wall, don't worry. You won't live out half your days if you fret so." 

MRS. WHITE.— (Wiping her eyes on her apron.) " Wall, I 'dno's I want to." 

ZENOS. — "Sho woman, what do you wanter fly right inter the face of Providence 
so for? Bamby you'll be taken at your words an' then ivhere'll you be? Now 
don't take on so, chirk up a bit, now do, mother." 

Enter Jake. 

ZENOS. — "Jake, you hitch up the old mare an' go down to the post office and see 
if we aint got a letter, an' then if we aint, you go over to the tavern an' see if 
you can't buy a paper for me, an' if you can't, you borrer the landlord's. I 
aint read no nevfs for an age. See if anything's a stirrin'." 

JAKE. — (Who stands waiting orders, and twirling his hat.) "I hearn they had a 
big fight down to some place or nuther.'. 

Enter Mike. 

MIKE.— "Yes, an' I heerd that slathers of soldiers got kilted." 

ZENOS. — (Groaning.) "O many poor fathers and mothers hev lost their sons an' 
husbands." 

MIKE. — "It's mesilf that don't belave no fathers has lost any husbands, lastwise 
oiv niver heerd tell on 'em." 

Jake laughs loudly, 

ZENOS. — "Jake, you start for the post office." (Jake goes.) "Mike you clean the 
stables." 

MIKE. — "Oi hev that alriddy sor and scrope 'em too bedad." 

ZENOS. — "Well you can break up that back lot; in the fall I shall put it down to 
rye." 

MIKE. — "An it's mesilf that wouldn't advise that same. It ruinates the land 
intirely." 

ZENOS.— "What is your idee it does to the land ? " 

MIKE. — "Wall sor, oi can't till adjactly, but oi think sor, it takes all the suction 
out of the ground bedad." 

ZENOS. — "Well, you go along an' do as I tell you. I'll resk the land." 

MIKE. — ' 'All roight sor. " (Goes out. ) 

ZENOS.— "Mother, I'm burnin up. I feel as though 1 7iiust git up an' hoof it around 
a little." 



31 

MRS. WHITE.— "O Zeiios, you mustn't. Dr. Brown says you oughtn't ter set up 
a mite, an' here you air, out of bed an' liummuxin around." 

ZENOS. — "O if 1 could hear from the boy an' Courtney. Geiohittiker ! I can't set 
still another minute. Chuck these duds out doors. I can't set here, an' I won't." 

MRS. WHITE — "O Zenos, do)i't git up. Mebbe I could play 'Fly swift aroun 
ye wheels of time', on the melodeon with one tinger if I tried; would that 
soothe you ? " 

ZENOS. — "I dunno; trp it — try it; anything to quiet me. I'm bilin' over. I'm 
sweatin like a bulldog in a tan-yard." 

MRS. WHITE. — (Goes to the melodeon and sits down.) "Now Zenos dear, sound 
the first note till I can match it here an' git a starter." 

ZENOS. — (Quite loud and in an explosive manner.) "Fly." 
Mrs. White tries the various keys desperately but can't get the right note. 

ZENOS — (Fidgeting.) "O quit; that makes me worse'n ever. I feel as if a swarm 
of bees was down my back. Where's my cane an' rubber boots ? " 

MRS. WHITE.— "O Zenos, why will you?" (Weeps.) "I wisht Sis or Becky was 
here." 

Enter Rebecca and Sis from Left. 

MRS WHITE. — "I'm so glad to see you. Zenos's got a tantrvim. Won't you 
play an' sing him something? " 

REBECCA. — (Wringing her hands.) "O have you heard the dreadful news? " 

ZENOS.— (Starting). "No. what?" 

MRS. WHITE— (Clasping her hands.) "O dear." 
Sis goes to her father's side and puts her hand on his shoulder. 

REBECCA. — "They've had a dreadful battle at Antietam. The Sixteenth Connec- 
ticut is all cut in pieces they say. O dear," (Puts her hands over her face and 
sinks into a chair and cries.) 

ZENOS. — "I felt it in my bones. I believe the very first shot hit me all over. O 
my poor boy, poor little lad. Where be ye now, where be ye ? " (Throws his 
head down on his hands.) 

MRS. WHITE. — (Goes to him and lays hand on his shoulder.) "O don't father; I 
can't bear to think of it, an' I held him right here in my arms an' rocked an' 
sung him to sleep; an' when I held an, rocked him I'd reach over with this 
hand an' brush his little curly head. O dear ! O dear ! " 

REBECCA.— "But may be he's all right." 

ZENOS — (Impatiently.) " Why he can't be; he's ben a missin' sense the i-aid they 
went onto way back last February, an' not a word hev we heard from our poor 
boy sense. O if it wa'n't for my legs I'd go right down there an' hunt him up." 

(Enter Mike from back.) 

MIKE. — "But you couldn't hunt him up sor without no legs." 

ZENOS.— "What air you talkin' about? " 

JAKE. — (Entering from back.) "I couldn't get no paper. Everybody's got it and is 
a keeping a holt of it very industrious, but the stage driver says the Sixteenth 
is all cut up an' Jim Bunker was killed fust pop — bullet went right through 
there." (Puts finger on Mike's temple.) 

MIKE.— (Starting.) "Oh ! take yer hans off ov me. Would ye be after murtherin 
me in cowld blood ye villian ? " 

ZENOS. — "O this war, this drefful cruel war. Poor Bub, poor boy." 

MRS. WHITE. — "Yes an' he was alius that tender that he couldn't set down on the 
cold groun' without havin' the croup. Many an' many a time I've had to git 
up in the middle of the night an' grate skunk's cabbage an' wild turnip in mo- 
lasses an' feed him a teaspoonful once in ten minutes an' rub his chest with 
hen's ile an' lard with yeller snuff in it. Poor boy I poor boy ! " 



MIKE. — "Yes; an' if he had the croup whin he was to war thim kind attintions 
'ud be mighty consphicious by their absince oi'm a thinkin'," 

JAKE. — "There's no place like home when you're goin to hev the croup." 

Interval of silence during which all but Mike and Jake are sobbing. 

MIKE, — "Oi fale as if oi was attinding me own wake." 

REBECCA. — "Let's cheer up; perhaps is isn't so bad after all. You know it is 
always darkest just before dawn." 

MIKE —"Yes, that's so begorri; sing 'Set the taters bilin.' " 

ZENOS. — "Mike keep quiet for a minute if you can. Let's sing 'There'll be one 
vacant chair.' " 

llebecca seats herself at the melodeon, wipes her eyes and finds the music. They 
sing the first verse tremulously and when they begin the chorus other voices out- 
side join them. Zenos starts and appears to listen. Mrs. White rises from her 
chair, puts up both arms and cries "My son ! O my son ! " and would fall but for 
Mike who catches and holds her as she faints. Rebecca has started from the stool 
in an attitude of anxious expectancy. The door opens. Enter Bub in faded regi- 
mentals, his face unshaven and very pale, following him is Courtney, one arm 
gone, the empty sleeve dangling, he too has on a soldier's suit dingy and torn, his 
beard is full, and hair long. Rebecea rushes to him, he throws his arm around her 
as she cries ' 'O Courtney, Courtney." 

Zenos during above has kicked ofl: the shawls and wraps about his feet and 
clasped Bub. Sis is crying and wringing her hands. Jake is dashing water into 
Mrs. White's face, and Mike still holding Mrs. White by main strength is crying 
and making uncouth sounds of grief . Zenos leads Bub to his mother who is now re- 
gaining consciousness. "Here mother, here's Bub. O the joy an' happiness, all 
together again an' on earth too. Mike go out and kill the fatted calf." 

MIKE. — "An' there aint a calf on the premises, would the ould bull do? Oi could 
kill him wid a good stummick an' me axe. The ould buttin raskle " 

MRS. WHITE.— (Feebly, putting her arms around Bub while Rebecca and Courtney 
support her.) "O my son, my son ! " 

BUB. — ' 'Mother, let me lead you to a chair and then we can talk." (Seats her in a 
chair and then sits beside her.) 

ZENOS. — "Becky, set right down to the melodeon an' lei's sing 'Home, sweet 
home.' " 

REBECCA. — "O I can't yet. Give these poor fellows something to eat and a cup 
of tea, and they can tell us how they ever came back to us in this way. Come, 
Mrs. White, I'll help you set the table." 

They pull out the table, put on plates, and get supper ready, during which Mike 
approaches Bub. 

MIKE. — "Say, did you have the croup while ye war away V " 

BUB. — "No, what makes you ask such a question ? " 

ZENOS. — "Don't mind him, he's a crazy headed fellow an' don't know what he's 
talkin' about." 

JAKE. — "No, nor never did; his tongue is hung in the middle." 

MIKE. — "An' if yees war hung by the neck the wurruld would be the gainer."' 

ZENOS. — "Enough of this, boys. Come on now, pull right up to the table." 

MRS. WHITE. ^ — ' Here Zenos, you take the head of the table. Courtney set hei-e. 
an' Becky yovi set side of him an' keep him straight. Bub, you an' Sis set next 
to me. Mike an' Jake set there." 

They all sit down as indicated. Mrs. White pours tea and passes it. , 

COURTNEY. — "How good it seems to see you all again, father, mother, sister, and 
— and Rebecca." 

MIKE. — "An 'don't it be doin' your eyes good to be afther seeing me ? " 

JAKE. — "It would if he could see your mouth shut." (All laugh, ) 



COURTNEY. — "It does me good to see you all, Mike and Jake included, of coarse.''' 

REBECCA. — "But tell us now how you came together. I don't understand it at 
all.', 

BLTB. — "Let me tell it. You see I was shot in one of our raids and taken prisoner; 
when I had been captive about a month, Mr. Courtney"' — 

ZENOS. - (Interrupting.) "Your brother Courtney henceforth." 

BUB. — (Correcting himself.) "My brother Courtney was taken prisoner also, and 
was brought to my prison. I was sick at the time." 

MIKE.— "An' had yees the croup? " 

BUB. — "What's the matter of this fellow ! Does he think that a person can't be 
sick of anything but the croup ? " 

ZENOS. — "O never mind Mike, go on with the story " 

BUB. — "I should have died but for Courtney's nursing." 

MRS. WHITE. — "O Courtney, but for you our boy would have died." 

COURTNEY. — "I assure you mother, he exaggerates my services." 

MIKE.— "Did yees use bin's ile ? " 

ZENOS. — (To Mike.) "You and Jake go out now an' milk. You've eat enough. 

We want to be alone awhile." 

Mike and Jake get up from table and each takes two milk pails. 

JAKE. — [To Mike as they leave the room at back.] "Now I hope you're satisfied. 
You've knocked us out of that pretty story." 

MIKE. — "An' it was all his own fault too, begorri." [Exit.] 

ZENOS. — "An' now Courtney, tell us yoitr story. You was so patriotic that yon 
went an' enlisted an' never let us know a word about it." 

COURTNEY^.— "O no father,— how can I tell you all? but I toilL I'll not sail under 
false colors. I will tell the truth, and then if I have forfeited your esteem I 
will go out again into the world alone a wanderer until death releases me." 

REBECCA — "I will never leave you, no matter what the past has been, I will stand 
by you to the end." 

COURTNEY.— "Bles3 you." 

ZENOS. — "Yes Courtney, we will all stand by you an' trust you too without your 
resurrecting the past. Let it go, an' bury her deep an' put a trap door an' pad- 
lock on top. Don"t tell us nothin." 

COURTNEY.— "But I must. I could not feel right if I did not. A few months 
before I met you, my kind father, I was induced by some fast acciuaintances I 
had made to break into and rob a New York Bank." 

MRS. WHITE.— [Throwing up her hands.] "The dear suz, an' you was a bugler ?" 

REBECCA.— [Hiding her face in her hands.] "O Courtney." 

COURTNEY. — [Bitterly.] "I knew how it would be, you have commenced already 
to creep away from me." 

ZENOS.— "No she aint. She's kinder took by surprise. I kin expect anything now. 
Bamby you'll be a tellin us you was a bunko steer onct." 

COURTNEY.— "Yes, that's what I was when I met you in the restaurant." 

ZENOS.— [Starting from his chair.] "The jippety cripus. You don't mean iliut':! " 

COURTNEY.— "Yes, Mr. White." 

ZENOS.— [Sternly.] "I'm your father, young man, don't forget that." 

COURTNEY.—' No, dear father, I never'll forget that, and I confess with shame 
that I first came here with the intention of engaging in a nefarious scheme to 
get your hard earnings away from you, but you was so large hearted I couldn't 
do it, and became — through you — converted from my evil ways." 



24 

MRS. WHITE.— "The lands sake, you don't say? " 
COURTNEY.— "Yes, and then I met Rebecca." 

ZENOS.— [Slapping Courtney on the shoulder.] "An' then you was a gone coon, I 
seen f/i-ai fust pop.' 

SIS — "Everybody saw that." 

COURTNEY.— "Yes? And when I wrote my friends that I would not cheat you 
out of your money tliey sent an oflacer here to arrest me for the bank robbery, 
and then I begged him to let me off long enough to come here and bid you 
all good bye, and on my pledge of honor to return in an hour he let me come 
alone." 

MRS. WHITE.— "Yes, an' that's why you couldn't stay with us, an' we felt kinder 
hard towards you." 

REBECCA.— "O Courtney, and I had thought you hard and cruel to leave me so, 
and you couldn't help it." 

COURTNEY.— "And then I went with the officer, was given a trial in which my 
friends appeared against me. I was sentenced to twenty years in Sing Sing." 

ZENOS. — "An' how on airtJi did you git out an' wont the officers come after you? " 

COURTNEY.— "No, I am safe. Many of the term prisoners were offered pardons 
if they would enlist for the war, and I gladly accepted the offer and joined the 
army. I was captured by the enemy, imprisoned, and found myself a captive 
with my brother, and here we are" [looking at empty sleeve] "what's left of 
us." 

ZENOS. — "Three cheers for the soldiers. Hurrah ! " 
Enter Mike and Jake with pails. They shout "hurrah ! hurrah ! ! " 

MIKE. — "An' its a foine tiger that bees a wantin oim a thinkin." 

JAKE. — "An' let's give it to em." 

They all give a tiger, the ladies stop their ears. A loud stamping is heard out- 
side. Enter young people, who having heard of the soldiers' return have come to 
see them. Hearty hand shakings and congratulations are indulged in." 

ZENOS. — "Come now, let's all sing some of the war songs and finish with 'Honie> 
sweet home." 

Courtney escorts Rebecca to the melodeon. Zenos walks the floor frequently 
wiping his eyes. Mrs, White uses her apron to brush away the tears. They sing 
"When this cruel war is over." 

MIKE.— "That's a corker, give us another." 

Then they sing "Tramp, tramp, tramp," "Vacant chair," "Who will care for 
mother now." 

COURTNEY.— "Now let's sing 'Home, sweet home.' Bub and I are tired and need 
rest, and this must be the last song to-night, though we hope to meet you all 
again soon and perhaps be in better singing trim." 

ZENOS. — "Yes, we'll git the boys in good trim in a day or two." 

They sing and Curtain goes down when last verse is nearly finished. Actors in 
place. 



THE END. 



